Bardolph

"his face is all bubukles, and whelks, and knobs, and flames o' fire: and his lips blows at his nose, and it is like a coal of fire, sometimes plue and sometimes red"

My football club is Arsenal FC. How this came to be, I can't precisely say, other than when Bruce Rioch was the manager, I picked Arsenal out of the table that was printed in the Atlanta paper. They were not a great side at that moment. I didn't know anything about them other than that was the coolest name of the names I saw, and I hated Manchester United. I knew I hated ManU because I don't like bullies and I don't like big teams that spend their way to titles and I don't like teams that attract glory-hunting daytrippers.

I chose Arsenal. I didn't know about Herbert Chapman or Highbury or Dial Square or Liam Brady or George Graham or Bertie Mee. I didn't know Tony Adams or Michael Thomas or Rocky Rocastle or Paul Merson. I just liked the name.

The next season, Arsenal hired Arsene Wenger as manager. By this time, I knew who Ian Wright was.

Arsenal won the double. Arsenal made it to the Uefa Cup final and lost to the Turks on penalties. Fox Sports started showing more highlights and games. The Brewhouse, right up the street from me in Little Five Points, would show matches live on Saturday mornings.

Arsenal were good. ManU were good. They fought for the title every season. Their players showed genuine antipathy toward each other. Wenger was thoughtful and erudite.

And ManU were led by the bully, the man who had won the treble, the man who was Knighted, the "mind games" master. Alex Ferguson made me angry and sick and envious all at once. I hated his touchline tantrums and his incoherent Scottish mumblings during post-match interviews. I hated his arrogance and his big red nose and his gum-smacking. I hated the fact that he could not bear to accept Arsenal's greatness.

Arsenal are stuck now, stuck trying to service the debt on their lovely modern enormous stadium. Arsenal can't buy players like Bergkamp any more. Wenger can do nothing about that situation; it's reality, unalterable. Arsenal have foresworn the sugar daddy model that Chelsea (scumski!) pioneered. That's noble. ManU have money, all the money in the world. ManU could buy every player on every club on every continent and have enough left over to keep Ferg supplied with enough claret to stay permanently buzzed.

Wenger buys talented teenagers and tries to get them to play like men. Ferg buys the best players and screams at them until they win everything. Chelsea buy everything else and play shit ugly football. Liverpool are lukewarm tea.

Arsenal can't fix what's wrong until the stadium is paid for. I don't blame Wenger and I don't think he's naive or stupid. Tactics are what they are in this sport, but talent ivariably trumps tactics if the players are committed to the effort. I am really sick of watching Arsenal's bargain buys fall apart, but I understand it. Eboue almost drove me completely mad at one point this season, but by the end he was showing the necessary commitment. That was rare this year.

Eboue? I can't believe I'm talking about him when ManU have the players they have. I talk about Bendtner and they trot out Tevez and Berbatov. Everyone sees this and nobody understands it. Wenger has Arshavin, Fabregas, and a faceless cast of kids and the Manc garbage Silvestre.

Wenger paints this situation as "his vision" and "his experiment." The truth is he had to adopt this tack because he has no money. Talk about a challenge. Talk about greatness. Here it is: Finish in the top four in England with no money. Do the same in the Champions League. Toss in the semifinals of the FA Cup too. But remember, you have no money.

I resent ManU's success because of the amount of money they spend, and earn, and because they are led by a bitter old bully. I'm never happy for them when they win anything. I understand that it evolved this way, which is why I hate Chelsea far more. I hate the silly things Ferg says about opposing players and managers and officials while excusing the excesses of players like Rooney and Crissi Ronaldo (and the worst offender of them all, Royston Keane).

Someday Arsenal will be great again. I hope Wenger is around to enjoy it.