Clean my gutters, you illegal immigrant!

I have this bad idea about myself. It is because I don't want to (gasp!) own a home.

I have in my life tended to a home that Regions Bank owned for me and I paid them for that honour. I bought a lawn mower, lawn edger, ladder, leaf blower/mulcher, refrigerator, alarm system, termite protection, pest control contract, and paid neighbourhood association fees and property taxes.

I did this because I was told by many other people who paid banks for their homes that this was the only smart thing to do.

But, well, I never really felt comfortable about this. I was more of the mindset that I was a renter by nature, and it would have been nice to just rent some decent affordable housing somewhere that crime wasn't an issue. I neither had children nor planned on having them, so the "decent school district" thing wasn't a motivating factor. Rather, I was more on the "decent, affordable bars district" tip.

I say this only because as I continue to read that "foreclosures are at an all time high," I keep thinking, "Is this because so many people who shouldn't have tried to own property were goaded into doing so, and because there is no national affordable rental housing program?"

Now, don't get me wrong--I understand that each and every person, no matter how stupid, is responsible for his or her actions and we can't blame the mortgage industry. But I just don't get the whole lust to "own property" and especially I don't get the whole "you have to do this because that will pay for your future!" mantra.

Hey, no judgment, but, what if I don't want to own property, but still want to know that being a responsible person will allow me to avoid poverty in my old age? Or maybe, I look at the housing market (and yes, why shouldn't having a roof over one's head be turned into a commodity like burgers or kidney transplants) and say, "Damn, there's no safe housing available for $40K?"

Does anyone here know why a national affordable rental housing program similar to that bastion of free market capitalism Singapore can't work? I'm sorry for my ignorance, but I just don't get it. I don't want to mow a lawn, have a kid, or be tied down to a 1/4 acre of land owned by a bank.

Why I hate boring shit

Let's suppose something. That is fun. Supposing is fun.

Back in the Greek days (no, I don't mean when you enjoyed buggery, nor your desire to associate with douchebags just like you on your university campus as you eagerly enjoyed a round of soggy biscuits, elephant walk, or butt rodeo), let us suppose that there was a man named Aerocles. I don't know if that's a real Greek-type name or not, but it sounds plausible. So here's Aerocles, and he fancies himself to be quite a good writer. And he writes something fucking amazing, basically the best thing ever written. It's so fucking incredible that Sophocles and Aeschylus and Homer come over to this guy's house and say shit like, "Holy motherfucking balls of Zeus, you make us want to kill ourselves because you are such a great writer!" I mean, seriously, let's suppose this guy writes the story of mankind from amoeba to godhood, but he dies young and his shit gets kind of lost. Then he gets found out later, and becomes the John Kennedy Toole of Greece, and everybody is like, "Sweet Winged Balls of Prometheus, I have never read such great prose! And almost no sodomy!"

Then one day, the Romans come along, and they're all, "You fuckin' Greek bastards, we are gonna burn up all your 'Tales of Buttfucking' and 'Blind Dudes, Incest, and You' books!" And then Aerocles' amazing story disappears. Nothing is left. The Romans burned up all the newspapers, too. I think they killed Archimedes while he was in the bathtub and he was writing "The Formula that Explains Every Fucking Damn Thing on Earth" too.

So anyway, some people got all hyped up and they were like, "By the teats of Artemis, we must save whatever is left of our great assfucking Greek culture!" and they looked around for something, anything, that was lying around. And Doucheocles is like, "Motherfucker, all I have are some old copies of these piece of sheep shit plays by Aeschylus and that super boring 'epic poem' by that blind cuntface Homer! Man, do I hate that crap. I don't even know why I kept it."

And suppose THAT is why we have to read that shit. I remember reading that one play about how those dudes were fighting that war and the women wouldn't fuck 'em, and I thought, "Yeah, THIS is the height of human intellect!"

So I hope that in three thousand years, nobody makes high school and university students watch "Caddyshack 2" or "The English Patient" just because everything else was destroyed.