All the bad things

I like to drink. Catch that? I said I LIKE to drink. I enjoy it. I don't feel that I must drink. It's just what I do.

I used to drink to avoid thinking. Then I read "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp and it hit me hard in the face and stomach that I was not growing as a person. I won't preach. I do think that drinking to avoid thinking is not advisable if that's all one does. You gotta think sometime, boy.

Also, and this will probably cause Attorney General Sanchez great consternation, I like to smoke the ganja every now and again. I'm no pothead. Just sometimes I like to visit cartoon land.

I like to fondle women--con permiso, of course. I won't expand on this.

I like to watch and talk sports wif me mates. This is a very typical man thing, isn't it? Crude and stupid. Just like me! Huzzah!

I'm terribly, terribly vain. Sean called me a "dandy" in his brogue. "Lookit ya, wi' yer Guess Jeans an' yer J. Crew shirt and yer Aveda hair products! That shite's 'spensive, ya know!" I do know, Sean. I do. And I'm sorry.

I waste time watching television. Now, I've never seen an episode of "Friends" (thank Christ), and I do actively seek out public broadcasting, but every now and then I need a little cotton candy and thus I turn to Jennifer Garner, or Caliente. That's "Caliente!" of course.

In the words of George Best, "I've spent a fortune on drink and women. The rest of my money I just squandered."

Confession. See, I told you it feels good to unburden yourself. And according to Newsweek, I am tall, handsome, and wealthy.