No way that just happened...

 

In cinematic history, there have been few scenes quite like the one where a comatose deer awakens in the back of Richard's car in "Tommy Boy." 

In metaphorical terms, this is what Germany did to Brasil.

The scene is going in what one would think is a predictable direction, with no hint that the deer is about to wake up and destroy a vintage auto.  It takes a matter of seconds, and when it's over, all Richard can do is stare in shock and say "No way that just happened." 

Oh but it did, Richard. It did. 

I've seen a lot of football in my life. I've seen Arsenal take it up the proverbial hole to the tune of 8-2 at Old Trafford. I don't think in all that time I've ever seen anything quite like that I saw today.

What can you say after the host nation receives an anal pounding like the one that Brasil took today?  You don't offer perspective. You don't recount what happened. What's the point?

The deer woke up and destroyed the car. I suppose that Germany awoke as well. Or something.

Could Brasil be that bad? Awful? Horrendous? Wretched?  Pathetic? Useless? 

The story must be about Brasil, not about Germany. The shower that was Brasil's defence had nothing at all to do with poor Neymar. I don't even know how you explain what happened.  Barry Glendenning didn't know how to explain it. Baz's Guardian minute-by-minute recounting of that thing that happened.

Remember, this was a World Cup semifinal match, played by Brasil, who hadn't lost on home soil since 1975. 1975! Do you even understand how long that has been?  This was supposed to be the tournament that coronated Brasil and justified the somewhat troubling expense of staging this event there. This was supposed to be a reward.  

Instead, it was the most amazing, horrible, unthinkable bottom-spearing of a football contest that one could ever see. Arsenal's capitulation at Stamford Bridge on Wenger's 1000th match wasn't nearly this stunning. It was shite, but it wasn't this stunning. This was...

No way that just happened.

I'm nobody. Who are you?

Summer football, had me a blast. England were great--whoops! That's in the past!

Before the tournament, I picked the Argies to beat Brasil in the Maracana. After yesterday, I have to say that the Peronistas now look like the team most likely. The only blight on their possibilities is the injury to di Maria, one of my favourite players on the planet and other than Messi one of the engines of a side that are solid if unspectacular. They seem organised, disciplined, and talented enough to overcome whatever is set before them.

You feel watching the Argies that they're a bit of Italy light ca. 2006.  They defend with a purpose and players like Mascherano go out to interfere with the opposing attack and have the ability to accomplish that. They're so good that the shower that is Demichelis is completely disguised as a competent defender.

As much as I don't believe that a completely corrupt body such as FIFA would "allow" Brasil to lose this Cup, I think a Germany v. Argentina final ought to be on order. Imagine how conflicted former Nazis would feel! (Are there any left?  I hope not, but I won't let that stand in the way of a good nationalistic slur.)

This is how I feel about Holland: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJ882QYzr-M


As for this blog, and the Arsenal, and all that, I just wanted to give a salute (I give salutes, not shoutouts, because I'm too old to give shoutouts) to the ITK bloggers during this transfer summer. Now, I'm not talking about "self-styled" ITK bloggers. No, I'm talking about the REAL ITK bloggers; those fellows who have been enlisted by the club to distribute the official line about goings on within the marble halls. Wink! You know who you are!

These people are the ones who all trotted out simultaneous columns and posts last year after the FA Cup semifinal that Podolski "couldn't play" because he's a lazy passenger who doesn't put in a real shift and only strikers who defend (Please. I don't understand it either.) can start at Arsenal. Then he scored 4 goals in the next two matches and they all had to backtrack and say, "Er, hmm, well, he did it against shit teams" as though scoring against ANYBODY is somehow not valuable (see "Giroud, Olivier: 27 league goals over the course of two seasons").

I knew that some of these people had close ties to the club and I don't slate them for that. If Ivan called me up and said he'd fly me to London and give me a tour of the training facilities, I'd probably be a complete whore for their drips and drabs of spin myself. That's no judgment, or judgement, against them.

Rather, I simply point out that where Arsenal are concerned, I'm nobody. I'm grateful that Georgina Turner reads my posts, but beyond that I'm literally less than a blip on the Arsenal radar. So nothing I write has been sanctioned or influenced by the club. Therefore I can say "I wish Arsene weren't managing Arsenal anymore" and you can be sure that it wasn't a story planted by the publicity staff.

So what do the hints from the ITK bloggers tell us? Since we know that they're essentially mouthpieces for the club, we can predict that Debuchy is definitely coming to Ashburton Grove, and that Sanchez is most likely not. When one of these insiders tells us "sounds like Higuain rumours" or "don't get your hopes up," it's coming from the club, not their intuition. Because that would be some more intuition.

One of them is the most widely read Arsenal blogger and he's never wrong. The other is "Mr. Rational Statistical Analysis Man" and he's never wrong, either. And one thing you notice about each of them is that they don't ever openly impugn Arsene Wenger. I'm sorry that I do that, because it means no matter the quality of my musings, I'll never be an ITK insider.

So there you have it. Expect Debuchy and some injured teenagers available on Bosman frees to show up this season. Don't believe me?  No problem. Accept the word of those who are truly "in the know."