Relief.
Relief is what I felt at the final whistle. Not relief at qualifying for a competition that we already know Arsenal will not win--how silly would that be?
It was not relief at finishing in fourth place in the league table, which I still assume was the minimum expected achievement before the season started.
It wasn't relief at the money that Arsenal will supposedly gain from surviving the group stage of the "Big Cup" because we already know that Arsenal won't go mad like a lottery winner and spend that money on players that will help the club erase a 16-point gap to the top or win that competition that we've already agreed they won't win anyway. Money's lovely when it cushions one's posterior, isn't it? Oh and it's also not relief at Arsenal NOT getting that same money and then turning out their pockets like a madman in Las Vegas who has suddenly realised he has no means to get home--as in, "Dear lord, we had planned so earnestly to spend that money on practical things like a real goal scoring forward and now we don't have it!" That's comedy right there, my friends. Although, it may have helped Arsenal EXCUSE the not spending of money now that the albatross of Ashburton Grove seems to have been removed from the club's metaphorical neck. Hmm...
No, the relief was quite simple: It was relief at not having to listen to the yapping mouths of the planet's massed ranks of anti-Arsenal idiots who live for the moments of dangling their collective genitalia in our faces as though they've accomplished something. That means all the Sky pundits, all the former players, Stewart Robson, Warren Barton, Chris Waddle, Alan Mullery, Scotland, people I haven't met yet or have ever heard of, and most of all, anyone associated with THFC.
You have no idea what it's like to be devoted to Arsenal. We're the most hated club in the world. I find that to be stupid, because clearly it should be either Manchester United or Leeds United, but instead, it's us. We are the least fashionable, least liked, least respected, least appreciated club on the face of the planet which, as of this writing, is the only place in the universe known to support human life and football. Millwall wishes they were hated as much as Arsenal. Kim Jong Un was offered an Arsenal shirt and said, "Are you fucking kidding me, man? What, you think I want to be hated?" OSAMA BIN LADEN WAS AN ARSENAL SUPPORTER. Enough?
So to go into next season with the ejaculate of every so-called football expert in the known universe coating Lance Link, Secret THFC Footballer and his club, whilst at the same moment having the feces of every one of those same people being hurled, ironically, I'm sure, in chimp-like fashion at Arsenal, would have made football in and of itself too much to bear. I would have buried myself in press association reports and Andrew Mangan's comedy routines and that, I'm afraid, would have been that.
Relief.
I also must say that the way the table stood at the end of the season brought particular joy because of the words of that silly little bearded man in his hilarious little trench coat. You remember that little man, don't you? The little man who, when afforded a 7-point "gap" after a match on 3 March, made certain comments about how being in a "negative spiral" blah blah blah...the actual words aren't really important anymore, it's the IMPLICATION of the words, which seemed to be that Arsenal had fallen and they would not get up because of the dominance of the little man's club and the humiliation Arsenal had just suffered.
Well, you know what, you bearded little trench coat wearing elf, everyone thinks he has the prettiest wife at home. Tomorrow, you'll wake up next to a fat old hag who'll be driving you to Europa League matches next season, so make sure you stuff the schedule for that competition in your wee trench coat along with the bananas you'll certainly be feeding THE GREATEST PLAYER IN THE WORLD.
I think I heard today that a reporter asked the wee bearded man if the "denied obvious penalty" (dear God, is there any other kind with THE GREATEST PLAYER IN THE WORLD involved?) somehow changed the outcome of the matches. Hmm...because, let's see, that would've made Newcastle not give up a goal in the Arsenal match?
You people, all of you, who hate Arsenal so much, are so transparent. It was as if somehow Andre Mariner was conspiring with Arsenal, when in fact two of the match officials who have been proven to hate Arsenal just as much as you do (one of those clowns named Mike, not Riley, right? and PC Webb) were assigned to our last two matches. Really? Somehow, even though THFC won their match anyway, Bobo the Diving Chimp! and his inability to "win" a penalty affected the Arsenal v. Newcastle match.
World, shut your mouth.
I know you won't, because I know it'll be 5,000 days of summer with constant remarks about no trophies and Arsenal should've done better, immediately followed by how can Arsenal do better when other clubs have more money, immediately followed by other contradictory statements about not liking it up us (what is "it" exactly, anyway? A fist? Who other than some kind of moral reprobate likes a fist or anything else "up em?" Do you want something up you?) while saying that Arsenal became boring but also too soft.
(edit: Look at this pointless wind-up merchant's nonsense and tell me what you think: http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/2013/may/19/arsenal-newcastle-arsene-wenger)
All of your blather bores me and makes football less fun than it ought to be, all because you're tiny little petty people who hate Arsenal and you know slating us will sell papers and generate web hits.
But at least we didn't finish fifth.
Relief.
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