When you're starving, even gruel satisfies the craving and does so to the extent that you will ask for another helping. Eat the weevils, they're rich in protein! And dysentery is a smashing weight-loss programme, so dig right in.
This is what Arsenal are serving up in an end-of-season slog toward whatever fate awaits them: A runny, watery, gruel that is doing just enough to sustain the hopes of supporters and the squad's own desire to play in the big cup next season.
And yet...and yet the form table says "Hang on a minute--this is quite different than last season's trip-stumble-fall across the finish line." Instead of defeating our wee sisters from up the road, launching a brilliant run, then repeatedly punching themselves in the face until the final day of the season, this year's model has used a loss to that lot as a cold splash of water to bring back some missing vitality.
It's a complete reversal, but the result is still the same. It will come down to the final day of the season, and an away match against a side that may or may not offer up the comical defending that has come to reflect its manager's silly personality.
Waking up in the middle of a long winter, one of those mornings where your bones are so cold that your body rightly aches from being clenched up all night, you saw that Arsenal had taken just five points from five January matches. After an unbeaten December that had supposedly righted the ship's course, the season had seemed to have completely crumbled. Rage and resignation battled for control of the Arsenal supporter's mind. An acceptance of fate seemed reasonable to me as I had so little energy left for rage anymore.
Two seasons in a row I've gone ahead and made peace with the idea that Arsenal would neither finish ahead of the Chickenballs nor qualify for the qualifying for the Champions League proper. That's not a load of fun when those things have seemed to be a given, even as challenging for the league has become a fading memory. But then Arsenal began to do what Arsenal are wont to do and the form table cannot lie: The Gunners have earned 29 points since the beginning of February, and dropped only 7.
What the hammer, what the change? "Why so pragmatic, Arsene?" Suddenly, and I mean literally from one match to the next, Arsenal went from being free-wheeling, devil-take-defence chokers to stuck in, grinding gears hard men content to win in the manner of George Graham's most turgid sides. Comic concession was replaced by 8-man walls of resistance. The captain--the man doing mock acrobatic routines and giving giving away free kicks like they were lollies at the doctor's office--was benched. One Pole was sacrificed for another that was long-since forgotten.
I looked at Wenger and said, "Who are you? What have they done with the real Arsene? SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE! POSSIBLY EVEN MADE UP OF THE REMAINS OF ALEXANDER HLEB!" Benching players for crap performances? A steely resolve? Winning ugly?
The world has gone mad. Camus and Sartre have become chorus boys.
After the draw with United, I was "over it." I was bored with the classic Arsene feint, thrust, and parry. I was bent out of shape over Sagna's moment of madness. I was saddened that losing a player like Giroud could actually have a negative impact on a side. United had clearly fallen arse over tit after winning the league and yet the Gunners could do little to trouble them. "Meh," I said, with full shoulder-shrug included.
So...why did the 1-0 over QPR leave me both full and satisfied? Content, even? It's because of the result. The result is all that matters. The result is god. Worship the result. I would rather that result than another result. That was better than a 6-0 thrashing.
Why?
Because this squad is no longer deserving of handing out 6-0 thrashings. Sorry, I hate to say it (no, I don't) but that would only be papering over the cracks in a house that needs much restoration. A hiding given to QPR would hurt more than help. It would distract this bunch. It would have Theodore asking for more wages. It would serve to inflate an opinion of a side that deserves nothing more than a bitter, give it all and then give it more struggle to achieve anything resembling a reward.
That's the sort of effort that, if this team had approached every match with that mindset this season, would have the team at worst in second place at the moment. You don't need to get to February to discover the true nature of your side. You ought to know exactly what you have after you win 5 matches from your first 14.
A one-nil win over a relegated side full of overpaid mercenaries who are stepping out the door already is EXACTLY what this Arsenal team OUGHT to be doing every week. I don't need to channel basketball genius Rick Pitino to tell you that Bob Pires isn't walkin' through that door. You already know it. You know what this team is compared to its rivals.
1-0 over QPR was extremely satisfying. I'm not in the mood for beauty, for a fleeting glimpse of "what this team could be." This team can't be anything more than what it is: Gallic flair sacrificed for Teutonic pragmatism. The two players who have come to symbolise this "new old" Arsenal? Ha ha, it's Aaron Ramsey and Per Mertesacker. It's the all-energy running and effort of the Welshman and the rather dour, "it's Pear not Pair" German that have served as the example for the others. In Ramsey they see an unwillingness to give less than the maximum, and in BFG they have organisation, calm, a sense of purpose and devotion to the grubby work of defending. Neither player brings artistry to the match in his kit bag.
Arsene's earlier Arsenal sides featured a balance between the pretty and the ugly, between attack and defence, between goals scored and goals not conceded. I think this is what most bloggers are talking about these days when they say this version is unbalanced. It could never be both. Not this lot. Rebalancing the side is what lies ahead in the summer--either that, or a willingness to admit that next season, the entire season, will need to look a lot more like the 1-0 over QPR Arsenal than any of us would like to see. Boring, boring? One-nil to the...
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