Why I hate boring shit

Let's suppose something. That is fun. Supposing is fun.

Back in the Greek days (no, I don't mean when you enjoyed buggery, nor your desire to associate with douchebags just like you on your university campus as you eagerly enjoyed a round of soggy biscuits, elephant walk, or butt rodeo), let us suppose that there was a man named Aerocles. I don't know if that's a real Greek-type name or not, but it sounds plausible. So here's Aerocles, and he fancies himself to be quite a good writer. And he writes something fucking amazing, basically the best thing ever written. It's so fucking incredible that Sophocles and Aeschylus and Homer come over to this guy's house and say shit like, "Holy motherfucking balls of Zeus, you make us want to kill ourselves because you are such a great writer!" I mean, seriously, let's suppose this guy writes the story of mankind from amoeba to godhood, but he dies young and his shit gets kind of lost. Then he gets found out later, and becomes the John Kennedy Toole of Greece, and everybody is like, "Sweet Winged Balls of Prometheus, I have never read such great prose! And almost no sodomy!"

Then one day, the Romans come along, and they're all, "You fuckin' Greek bastards, we are gonna burn up all your 'Tales of Buttfucking' and 'Blind Dudes, Incest, and You' books!" And then Aerocles' amazing story disappears. Nothing is left. The Romans burned up all the newspapers, too. I think they killed Archimedes while he was in the bathtub and he was writing "The Formula that Explains Every Fucking Damn Thing on Earth" too.

So anyway, some people got all hyped up and they were like, "By the teats of Artemis, we must save whatever is left of our great assfucking Greek culture!" and they looked around for something, anything, that was lying around. And Doucheocles is like, "Motherfucker, all I have are some old copies of these piece of sheep shit plays by Aeschylus and that super boring 'epic poem' by that blind cuntface Homer! Man, do I hate that crap. I don't even know why I kept it."

And suppose THAT is why we have to read that shit. I remember reading that one play about how those dudes were fighting that war and the women wouldn't fuck 'em, and I thought, "Yeah, THIS is the height of human intellect!"

So I hope that in three thousand years, nobody makes high school and university students watch "Caddyshack 2" or "The English Patient" just because everything else was destroyed.